Happy 3rd Birthday

Dear Kate and Riley,
How is it possible that three years have gone by? We decided to celebrate your birthday yesterday since Sundays are a little chaotic these days. We went and bought some toys to donate, I always love getting to pick out some girly things for you since I only get to buy Zach trains and trucks and it looks like that's all I'll be buying for the next few years.

After that we stopped by the cemetery. There is a new marker next to yours with the words Families are Forever across the top and a scripture from 2nd Nephi on the bottom. I have a feeling those parents chose that spot for their baby because they were comforted by the pictures and words on your marker. I was sad for that family but happy that they chose that spot right next to you two, it made me feel good to think that maybe that family in their grief saw that spot and knew it was the right place for their baby to be.

Zachary wanted to sit down on the grass by your stone. I thought it was strange but he actually sat very quietly and I had a few moments of very peaceful reflection. I was amazed at everything that has happened in the past three years. There was another very new grave there and the very sad parents were there grieving. I thought back to three years ago when we probably looked much like that couple, so sad, so distraught and wondering if we'd ever find joy in our lives. And here I sat, just a little ways down from them, with Zachary in my arms and your brother in my belly. I thought about how my heart still aches for you and yet it is so full of joy and gratitude for my baby in my arms and my baby who will hopefully soon be in my arms. How I have such a greater appreciation for them than I ever could have before you. We have found peace and joy.

This year alone I know three other moms who have lost babies. I have had the chance to talk to each of these mothers, to share things about my journey with them, to understand them when others may not have, to listen and hopefully comfort them. I think that shows that something positive and uplifting has come from your lives here on earth. I have a feeling that you are doing great things in heaven as well and it makes me happy to know that.

I love you, I miss you. A day has never gone by that we don't pray for you and thank Heavenly Father for letting us briefly have you in our lives and in our arms. Zachary doesn't quite understand but it was a precious moment yesterday when I sat with him, we looked at the picture of Jesus on your marker and told him about his sisters, how they are in heaven and with Jesus and how some day we will all be together again. He sweetly said "yeah" to everything I told him and I know some day he will understand.

I hope you had a wonderful birthday celebration in heaven.

Love,
Mom