Since losing you, I have felt such a closeness to others who have experienced this horrible tragedy of losing a child. My aunt, Linda, and her husband, Randy, lost their baby Jonathan when he was only a few months old. Jonathan was almost the exact same age as my brother Bret. I am sure that you have gotten to meet Jonathan and hopefully he has told you that just like his mother's heart has healed with time, so will your mom's.
Linda wrote me a letter after we lost you and told me about her mother's grandmother. This is what she wrote to me: "I felt my mother’s grandmother, Amelia, was at his birth and comforting me as I dressed him for burial. I’m so grateful for my mother’s books that helped me know her. She had lost 2 babies and knew what it was all about. She almost went crazy when the second child died, but then she had a dream about her husband’s 1st wife, Phoebe, who was deceased. She saw Phoebe caring for her children in heaven, just as she was caring for Phoebe’s children here on earth." After Linda told me that story, I thought about your Grandma Linda, dad's mom and how I hope that she is up in heaven loving you and taking good care of you. I never got to meet Grandma Linda but I am glad she is there to take care of you. I guess it is only fair if she has all of these grandchildren on earth that she gets two in heaven to keep her company.
I liked hearing what Linda had to say because I know that years had passed and even though she will never forget Jonathan her heart had healed and she has been able to find joy in her family and her knowledge of Heavenly Father's plan for her family. I also know that Linda had to deal with something I will have to, having a nephew the same age. I will have two nieces, Clint and Kelli's baby girls the same age. I can remember watching Linda watch Bret and I always thought about how hard it must be for her to know that whatever age Bret was, Jonathan should have been the same. I know it will be hard for me to be around Clint and Kelli's babies but I also hope that with time I can look at them and be happy instead of sad.
Another couple I have felt very close to, even though I have never known them, were Joseph and Emma Smith. Joseph and Emma lost six children, including a set of twins that died shortly after birth. I cannot imagine the pain they must have felt. There is a very touching painting by an artist named Liz Swindle, and a song by Kenneth Cope called "Tiny Hands" both of these show the pain that Joseph and Emma must have gone through. Although I can't say for sure, I would guess that even through everything that Joseph and Emma went through, losing their children must have been the hardest.
If you get to meet Joseph and Emma, you can tell them what an inspiration they are to your mom. I know Joseph Smith was the prophet who restored the gospel to the earth. I know that because we have the gospel on the earth and the ordinances of the temple that we will be together again some day.
Love,
Mom
"Tiny Hands"
by Kenneth Cope
another pair of tiny hands
to lay beneath the clay
slumbering little baby eyes
to wake another day
oh god of heav'n, come guard this bed
and let this angel sleep
'til earth is pure for tiny hands
and safe for tiny feet
a wondrous little baby smile
the hope of things to be
born to face the troubled world
for a moment and then set free
oh god of heav'n, take hate from man
'til lambs and lions feed
and make earth pure for tiny hands
and safe for tiny feet
tiny hands
angel hands
perfect hands
blamless hands
lifeless hands
resting in the night
waiting for the light
when life will follow
oh god of heav'n, send christ again
bringing his reign of peace
let earth turn pure for tiny hands
and safe for tiny feet
then give back my child to me
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