Saturday, October 27, 2007

A Poem for your Baby Brother

Dear Kate and Riley,
A little while after we lost you dad and I decided to try to get pregnant again. We were so scared and nervous but we knew we had to try again. While we were waiting for your brother someone from SG posted this poem. I knew that it was a special poem and that it would be special to us if we were able to have a baby after losing you. I saved it on my computer so that I could put it up here when our next baby got here safely. I am so happy to be able to put the poem up finally. I feel like losing you has made us appreciate Zachary so much more and he will always be special as our baby who came after a loss. I feel like you and he will always have a special connection since he wouldn't be here if we hadn't lost you. It is a strange feeling but I do hope that someday he understands how special he is and feels a connection and a relationship to you, his big sisters. I also hope that you understand that you will never be forgotten.

A Different Child

A different child,
People notice
There's a special glow around you.
You grow
Surrounded by love,
Never doubting you are wanted;
Only look at the pride and joy
in your mother and father's eyes.
And if sometimes
Between the smiles
There's a trace of tears,
One day
You'll understand.
You'll understand
There was once another child
A different child
Who was in their hopes and dreams.
That child will never outgrow the baby clothes
That child will never keep them up at night
In fact, that child will never be any trouble at all.
Except sometimes, in a silent moment,
When mother and father miss so much
That different child.
May hope and love wrap you warmly
And may you learn the lesson forever
How infinitely precious
How infinitely fragile
Is this life on earth
One day, as a young man or woman
You may see another mother's tears
Another father's silent grief
Then you, and you alone
Will understand
And offer the greatest comfort.
When all hope seems lost,
You will tell them
With great compassion,
"I know how you feel.
I'm only here
Because my mother tried again."

Written by Pandora Diane MacMillan


Thursday, October 18, 2007

Zachary Aaron is here!!

Dear Kate and Riley,

Your baby brother is finally here! Last Friday, October 12th at 12:10 pm Zachary Aaron O'Farrell entered the world. Dad and I went to the hospital Friday morning at 6 am so I could be induced. I was so excited and scared at the same time. I just couldn't believe that we were really going to have a baby that day and part of me was still scared that something was going to go wrong.

Around 7 am they started pitocen, the medicine to make me contract. About an hour later the doctor came in and broke my water. I spent a lot of time watching Zachary's heart rate on the monitor but he was doing really well the whole time. After a little bit my contractions started getting really intense so I called the nurse and asked if I could get my epidural. I was worried because when I had you my epidural didn't work so well. This time though was totally different, it worked great and I didn't feel ANY pain after that! I was so happy!

An hour after I got my epidural the nurse came in and said we were ready to push, I couldn't believe it, I was thinking it would take hours longer but here we were and it wasn't even lunch time! We had to wait for the doctor to get there and hope that Grandma Janice would make it in time, she was still on the road!

Around 11:30 the doctor arrived and we got ready to push. I still couldn't feel anything so it was kind of tough but I would have rather had it that way than have it hurt! We were getting close but Zack was sunny side up so the doctor had to get the vacuum to help get him out. Once she got the vacuum on his head it was only one more set of pushes and he was out! I couldn't believe it I just kept looking at him and his little cry was the best sound I had ever heard. I was so happy that your baby brother was here safe and sound. I really feel like you got to be in the room with us that day to watch him come into the world.

Here are some pictures of Zachary, he is so lucky to have you watching over him. I think he looks a lot like you. I would stare at him in the hospital that first night and I really felt like he looked like you. Please continue to watch over him.

Love, Mom

Zack's first bath

Zack and mommy, day 2 in the hospital

Zack and mommy meet

Monday, October 08, 2007

A few more days!

Dear Kate and Riley,
I can't believe it but in just a few short days your baby brother, Zachary, will be here! It has gone by so slow and yet so fast at the same time. I can't believe you've been gone almost a year. I can't believe I've made it through ANOTHER 38 weeks of pregnancy (that makes us at 65 total and Thursday will make 66). I honestly cannot remember what it feels like NOT to be pregnant, I am really looking forward to getting my body back, but it has been worth all the sacrifices. You girls have done a really good job of watching over Zachary while he's been inside of me and I know you will be his guardian angels once he is here. We will let him know all the time what a lucky little boy he is to have not one but two angel sisters watching over him.

Dad and I had been stumped on a name for most of my pregnancy. I had liked Zachary all along and we had thrown a few other names around a little too but I felt like I needed something significant to help me decide. I was waiting for some kind of sign or something to tell me what this special baby's name should be. One day I was watching a show and the lady on it was talking about how she had cancer and they didn't know if they'd ever be able to have kids. They decided to try and were able to have a son and they named him Zachary because it means "God Remembers". When I heard that I started crying and I knew that it was the perfect name for our baby boy too. Even though I don't think that God has ever FORGOTTEN us, I do feel like having this special blessing of a new baby has shown us that God does remember us and has found a way to answer our prayers of having a family here on earth with us. I wish we could all be together but I know that your spirits will linger near as you pass baby Zachary on to Mom and Dad. I think you will be sad to see your baby brother come down to earth, but I think you will also be very happy to look down and see your family so happy.

Zachary could get here any day but Friday is the day I'm going to be induced if he doesn't come before then. I am so nervous and excited all at the same time. I promise to write about everything as soon as he gets here!