Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Memorial Day

Dear Kate and Riley,
Yesterday was Memorial Day and although we didn't make it out to the cemetery I felt your presence with us as we had a busy and adventurous holiday!

It started with my 1/2 Marathon! I have been training for this for FIVE months! It is actually strange to think how Zach was not even three months old when I bought that jogging stroller and how I cried because I couldn't even run for 10 min. And here I was yesterday running 13.1 miles. I was nervous because I had hurt my foot the week before but I prayed hard for a little help and I was hoping you'd be there to help me out a little too. I guess it worked because I was able to finish without my foot hurting too bad. It was a perfect day for racing, cool and overcast, it even rained a little at the start but nothing too bad. I felt really good and liked that the course ran right past our house and ended on the jogging trail that I have spent all of these months training on. I was so proud of myself when I crossed mile 11 at the exact same spot where I remember being proud of myself for running 10 min. straight all those months ago! What a great feeling to know what I can accomplish when I put my mind to it. I finished in about 2 hours and 26 min. Which is not very fast (about 11:20 miles) but faster than I did my last 1/2 in and that one was before I had ever had babies!) So I am happy and proud and as soon as I can WALK again, I guess I'll have to make a new goal. It was great having Dad and Zach at the finish line cheering me on and great to have my other friends there who have been training and motivating me on our running blog. Unfortunately we forgot the battery for the camera so we don't have a lot of pictures.
Pre race (Jessica, Amy, Kacy, Mom)

Post Race (Mom, Kacy, Jessica, Mique, Amy)

The other exciting thing we did on Monday was take Zach to his first baseball game! It was really fun and Zach was a trooper through TWELVE scoreless innings. In fact, talk about disappointing, the only run was WALKED in! I never would have stayed at a game for that long but there were fireworks afterwards we really wanted to see. Unfortunately Zach was SO tired by then the fireworks freaked him out and he just screamed the whole time. Well, maybe next time. But he sure did look cute in his Angel's gear! I thought of him in that Angels' shirt and it made me think of you girls. I had my angel on earth and my angels in heaven. It was a good day.


Monday, May 19, 2008

New month, new skills

Very proud he made it across the living room

Wow, there's a whole big world out there!

Look, mom! I can eat your curtains!

Tired after a hard morning's work

Dear Kate and Riley,
I can't believe May is more than half way through. The time really goes way too fast. If I were teaching right now I think time would be stuck in slow motion as I counted down to the end of the school year. Instead time is rushing by me and I am shocked every day at how this little man is growing up so fast right before my eyes.

Last week Zach turned 7 months and I thought just today how I doubted 7 months would be any different than 6. Then this morning as I was eating my breakfast and Zach was sitting and playing with his toys he fell onto his back (nothing new). But this time instead of screaming for me to come get him he rolled over and kept playing (good!). Then he saw something he wanted across the room so he continued to roll and then got himself up on his hands and almost knees and I wondered exactly what he was planning to do next. He couldn't quite get a forward momentum though he tried really hard. He did, however realize he could go backwards (something new!) and he can spin himself so he managed to get to what he wanted. He seemed to discover a whole new world this morning and it was so much fun to watch. I love watching him do something new because I can tell he is always very proud of himself! He scooted and rolled around the living room for almost an hour before getting so tired he just laid his head down right there on the carpet.

I can only imagine that forward scooting and then crawling are coming up soon. I was really hoping to get at least part of my summer on the beach without having to chase him, but it doesn't look like that will happen! I guess I better get to baby proofing.

Keep an eye on this little man!


Monday, May 12, 2008

Mother's Day Getaway

Dear Kate and Riley,
Yesterday was Mother's Day. I got the chance to go on a weekend getaway with Liz and Michelle to Vegas! It was so much fun and even though it might seem weird for us to ditch our kids in celebration of Mother's Day, it was a really great gift to get away for a weekend and enjoy time with my two favorite girlfriends.

It was a VERY different trip from our last trip to Vegas over 10 years ago as college freshmen. This year we did a lot more sleeping, a little less acting crazy and a lot more pumping (since Liz and I are still nursing). Poor Michelle had to wait while we pumped about every 4 hours. I never thought I would pump in the parking lot of not one but two casinos, and a number of other random places. But it was worth it for the sleeping in, pool time and girl time we got to have. I got an AMAZING massage, got to see my first post baby movie (Baby Mama) and we got to go see Mama Mia (it was a "mama" themed weekend I guess!).

The best part of the trip, I decided, was that for the first time ever after a weekend away, I was as excited to return home as I was to leave. Instead of waking up Sunday morning dreading going home, I woke up SO excited to go home and see Zachary and Dad. I couldn't drive fast enough. Getting home topped off my perfect Mother's Day as I got to spend the afternoon with Zach and Dad, visit the cemetery so I could think of all of my babies on Mother's day and then Dad made me a yummy dinner (which I managed to spill all over the carpet). Dad was great for taking care of Zach all weekend, he never complained, in fact I'm afraid that now he thinks my job is easy! (we don't have to tell him that taking care of baby is only about 1/2 of my job).

I got to do a lot of thinking on my 4 1/2 hour drive alone. When I wasn't singing at the top of my lungs to Carrie Underwood or Taylor Swift, I thought a lot about the past year. The way I have changed, how losing you has made me a better mom to Zachary because I appreciate him and every single second I get to have with him and how although I thought after I lost you that I would never in my life feel true happiness I can honestly say at this point that I do. I wondered after I lost you if I'd ever be able to sit back, look at my family and not feel pain, pain in knowing that my whole family was not together. Yet somehow that is not the case. What I feel about you now is some sadness still, yes, but mostly peace. Peace and reassurance that I will be with you again, that I will someday get to hold you and know you and love you with all the love that a mother has to give. I don't think its FAIR that you aren't here, and I certainly will never ever say it was for the "best" as some people will tell me but I also can't deny the blessings that have come into our lives. Blessings that have made me really and truly happy and satisfied. To not enjoy every second I have with my family here on earth would certainly be a disservice to your memory and not what you would have wanted at all. So on Sunday as I drove I thought about my life, how happy I have become and the blessing of being a mom three times over, to beautiful precious angel babies and to a beautiful precious baby here on earth. My heart swells as I think about Zachary and the love that I have for him and I couldn't help but think as I anxiously drove home, that someday I would feel that same way again when I get to return "home" to my baby girls. How anxious and excited will I be then.
Thank you for making me a mom.