Monday, May 12, 2008

Mother's Day Getaway


Dear Kate and Riley,
Yesterday was Mother's Day. I got the chance to go on a weekend getaway with Liz and Michelle to Vegas! It was so much fun and even though it might seem weird for us to ditch our kids in celebration of Mother's Day, it was a really great gift to get away for a weekend and enjoy time with my two favorite girlfriends.

It was a VERY different trip from our last trip to Vegas over 10 years ago as college freshmen. This year we did a lot more sleeping, a little less acting crazy and a lot more pumping (since Liz and I are still nursing). Poor Michelle had to wait while we pumped about every 4 hours. I never thought I would pump in the parking lot of not one but two casinos, and a number of other random places. But it was worth it for the sleeping in, pool time and girl time we got to have. I got an AMAZING massage, got to see my first post baby movie (Baby Mama) and we got to go see Mama Mia (it was a "mama" themed weekend I guess!).

The best part of the trip, I decided, was that for the first time ever after a weekend away, I was as excited to return home as I was to leave. Instead of waking up Sunday morning dreading going home, I woke up SO excited to go home and see Zachary and Dad. I couldn't drive fast enough. Getting home topped off my perfect Mother's Day as I got to spend the afternoon with Zach and Dad, visit the cemetery so I could think of all of my babies on Mother's day and then Dad made me a yummy dinner (which I managed to spill all over the carpet). Dad was great for taking care of Zach all weekend, he never complained, in fact I'm afraid that now he thinks my job is easy! (we don't have to tell him that taking care of baby is only about 1/2 of my job).

I got to do a lot of thinking on my 4 1/2 hour drive alone. When I wasn't singing at the top of my lungs to Carrie Underwood or Taylor Swift, I thought a lot about the past year. The way I have changed, how losing you has made me a better mom to Zachary because I appreciate him and every single second I get to have with him and how although I thought after I lost you that I would never in my life feel true happiness I can honestly say at this point that I do. I wondered after I lost you if I'd ever be able to sit back, look at my family and not feel pain, pain in knowing that my whole family was not together. Yet somehow that is not the case. What I feel about you now is some sadness still, yes, but mostly peace. Peace and reassurance that I will be with you again, that I will someday get to hold you and know you and love you with all the love that a mother has to give. I don't think its FAIR that you aren't here, and I certainly will never ever say it was for the "best" as some people will tell me but I also can't deny the blessings that have come into our lives. Blessings that have made me really and truly happy and satisfied. To not enjoy every second I have with my family here on earth would certainly be a disservice to your memory and not what you would have wanted at all. So on Sunday as I drove I thought about my life, how happy I have become and the blessing of being a mom three times over, to beautiful precious angel babies and to a beautiful precious baby here on earth. My heart swells as I think about Zachary and the love that I have for him and I couldn't help but think as I anxiously drove home, that someday I would feel that same way again when I get to return "home" to my baby girls. How anxious and excited will I be then.
Thank you for making me a mom.
Love,
Mom

5 comments:

Barbara said...

Yeay for Mom's weekends! Sounds like you had a lot of fun - even with the parking lot pumping. Haha. Will Vegas EVER be like it used to be? Oh well. Glad you had a really fun and special Mother's Day. Let's get together....I think I am ready to be social again. Finally. :)

Sharlie Kaltenbach said...

Brooke, thank you for this post. I am so grateful to hear you say that you are truly happy and at peace. You are one of the strongest women I know and I know you have two precious angels watching over you. I remember wondering if I could ever smile again after losing Lex and you are so right, they want us to be happy and experience true joy and peace and it would make them sad if we couldn't feel that. You are the best mom and I'm glad you got a fun girls weekend!

Liz Stanley said...

so sweet. making me cry!

Sara Decker said...

What a fun getaway...i need one of those. Your post was so sweet, you motivate me to be a better mom, thanks.

Holly said...

How fun that you got to get away with your friends! I think it's so sweet that you were so excited to get home to your family, and that your hubby took such great care of your little one. Thanks for the reminder to appreciate every moment! You're a wonderful mother!