Thanksgiving was the last time I was going to be able to travel. So dad and I planned a trip to Utah, we go there every year for Thanksgiving to visit with his family. We stayed with Uncle Austin and Aunt Jill and we brought Bella on her first plane ride with us! I was SO excited to have some time off of work and to relax. I spent most of the trip sleeping and relaxing. I was really getting big with the two of you. The day before we left on our trip the doctor wanted me to come in for an ultrasound. It would be the last time I got to see you alive. I was so nervous going in to the ultrasound that they would tell me I couldn't go on the trip. But at that time everything looked good, you were in there wiggling around and I got the green light to go on the trip.
During our trip to Utah Aunt Stacy threw a baby shower for you. It was so much fun and everyone was so excited to give you clothes and things! I was so excited for all of the pink pink pink. Grandma Wiggins had crocheted beautiful white blankets for your blessings, we ended up wrapping you in them when we burried you. The baby shower was one of my last really awesome memories of you. Even though it makes me sad now to see all of the things you will never get to use, I am glad that our family and friends got to celebrate your life before we lost you. I think it made you more real to all of them too.
Great Grandma Hansen and Great Aunt Alisa
Cousin Autumn, Aunt Jill and Aunt Stacy
Mom and "aunt" Michelle
A few days after the baby shower is when I started to wonder if something was wrong. The day before Thanksgiving I realized I hadn't felt you kicking all day. I was really nervous. Dad asked if I wanted to go to the hospital but I thought I was being paranoid. Also, your placenta was in front and the doctor and ultrasound tech had told me all along I wouldn't feel very much movement, they were even surprised that I felt you as much as I did. So I figured Riley, who had always been at the top, had moved down lower so I couldn't feel her kicks any more. In reality I don't know if that is when we lost both of you, or if you started to slow down and I couldn't feel strong kicks any more. I did think I felt kicking the next day, I don't know if I did or not now. I thought I felt a little movement every day after that which always reassured me, but it could have been braxton hicks or other twinges that I was confusing with your tiny kicks. I will always wish I had gone to the doctor that night but it was still so early the doctors probably wouldn't have taken you out so I don't think it would have made a difference. I comfort myself by knowing that if Heavenly Father wanted you back with Him he was going to take you either way. I had prayed VERY very hard that night for comfort and to know if I should go to the doctor and I didn't feel like I should.
We left Utah on Saturday after Thanksgiving and I was very excited to go back and finish my last week of work. I thought a lot about calling the doctor that week but felt like everything would be ok and decided to wait until my appointment the next Monday.
Well this is the last happy part of your story so I'm going to leave it like this for now.
Love, Mom
No comments:
Post a Comment