Happy 4th of July!

Dear Kate and Riley,

Happy 4th of July. I love the 4th because I LOVE fireworks and all the fun things that go along with the 4th. Last year we spent the ENTIRE day at the beach but this year we opted to avoid the crowds for the most part.
Thursday night we went pseudo-camping with some friends. I wasn't ready to load up the van with camping stuff when I wasn't even finished UNpacking from Brian Head so instead we drove up to our friends' camp site, hung out, cooked hot dogs and s'mores and when the fire burned down and it was time for bed, we drove home, showered the smoke off ourselves and slept in our own beds! Talk about perfect camping!
Friday we just went to the pool with some friends and went to the local Aliso Viejo fireworks show. Zach wasn't as scared as the last time he saw fireworks but I can't say he necessarily enjoyed them either. Maybe next year.

Love,
Mom

Zach loved the camp fire, it totally mesmerized him!

Dad got marshmallow all over his face

Zach totally festive for the 4th!

We're Back!

Dear Kate and Riley,
We just got back from our first big O'Farrell family trip with ALL of dad's family. We spent a week in Brian Head, Utah with all of dad's siblings, Grandpa Frank and Grandma Geri and all of your cousins from dad's side. It was a big, crazy group and we had a BLAST. We rented a great cabin for the week and spent time hiking, fishing and playing. Zach had a great time with his cousins, he got so much more confident with his crawling and was all over the cabin! He's impossible to contain now. He loved hiking in his luxury backpack (not sure that dad loved carrying him but it had to be better than the front pack). I loved seeing Bryce Canyon (so pretty!), staying up late playing fun games with the adults, and playing at the "danger park" with Aunt Stacy like I was a kid. It was great that there was no phone reception and no internet, just the fam. Grandma Geri graciously volunteered to babysit on Wed. so dad and I could go out and celebrate our 3rd anniversary. We kept it simple and went out for pizza but I was just happy that we both got to eat at the same time!
Dad's family is great and I feel blessed to have married into a family that I love so much. I'm so happy that Zach has so many great examples all around him. I wish you could be here to play with your cousins, I can only imagine how crazy it would be with you two and Camryn all together!
Sorry for the picture overload but I couldn't choose just a few!
Love,
Mom

Mom and Zach at Natural Bridge in Bryce

All the cousins at Cedar Breaks

Mom, Dad and Z in Bryce

Dad and Zach at Cedar Breaks (look at that smile, he loves the pack!)

How Zach spent most of the day at Bryce

Dad, Grandpa Frank and Zach
Talk about family resemblance!

Happy Late Father's Day, and finally going forward

Dear Kate and Riley,
Yesterday was Father's Day and I'm sure you were wishing your dad a happy day. We had a low key day. I tried to make breakfast for dad which was kind of a disaster. Then before church Zach had a little light bulb moment of sorts and figured out how to crawl! It was exciting and I was happy daddy was home to see it too! But now I'm in big trouble and better start babyproofing this place, he is currently pulling cd's off of our shelf and pushing buttons on the cable box.

Last night I made dad dinner (which went over better than breakfast) and we just hung out for a low key night. We gave dad a golf game this week with his friend Wade.

Yesterday I walked by Zach's room while dad was rocking him and it was just the sweetest moment ever. Your dad is such an amazing dad and you two and Zach are all so lucky to have him. He is so great with Zach, watching them together is something that just brings me pure joy every time I see it. I feel like your dad never sees being a dad as a "chore" it isn't a question that he will take Zach at church and I get to sit in relief society alone, it wasn't a question if I could go on our girl's trip last month, I don't have to ask him to feed Zach dinner or rock him or anything, he just does it because he's the dad and that's what he does. He was definitely always meant to be a dad. It has made me love him even more than I did when I married him. He remembers you girls in our prayers every night and I love that too. So happy Father's Day to your wonderful dad!
Love,
Mom

8 Months! And a new friend...

Dear Kate and Riley,
Today is Uncle Clint's birthday-- Happy Birthday Uncle Clint! Poor Clint is all alone studying for the bar exam while his family plays in Jackson.
Zach had a month birthday today too, he turned 8 months! I can't believe it. That seems so old!
I think a lot of things Zach does are cute, but none have sent me RUNNING for the video camera like the little show he put on today. I set him down in front of the big sliding mirror that is our closet door and he thought he had discovered a new friend! A new friend who copied everything he did. He was SO excited he was screaming and flapping his arms, making faces at himself, spitting, etc. Once I got the video camera it distracted him a little but I still got some cute moments.
I am going to work really hard to have something exciting to write about one of these days, I promise...

Love, mom

New Tricks, small progress

Dear Kate and Riley,
Not much has been going on around here so I haven't had much to write about. Zach and I have been spending lots of time at the pool and now that my 1/2 is over I'm trying to figure out how to motivate myself to work out (with a hurt foot!).
The past few days I feel like Zach has started looking SO grown up! I don't know how that happens, it seems like over night he looks different. He is still working SO hard on crawling but hasn't made much progress. He spends pretty much every waking minute on his knees or his belly trying to get some forward momentum. Twice I have seen him inch forward a little to be able to grab a toy so I guess he is making a little progress but mostly he ends up frustrated! The good thing is that all this work is making him SLEEPY! I mean sleepy like 13 or 14 hours a night sleepy! Its been nice for mom. Even though he can't go forward he still manages to roll and scoot all over the living room, leaving a path of destruction in his wake, I spend every nap time cleaning up his path of toys.

Can't you just tell these two are up to no good? See their path of destruction?

New trick, up on his tippy toes, doesn't do much in the way of moving him, but looks funny!

Frustrated!

LOVE,
Mom

Memorial Day

Dear Kate and Riley,
Yesterday was Memorial Day and although we didn't make it out to the cemetery I felt your presence with us as we had a busy and adventurous holiday!

It started with my 1/2 Marathon! I have been training for this for FIVE months! It is actually strange to think how Zach was not even three months old when I bought that jogging stroller and how I cried because I couldn't even run for 10 min. And here I was yesterday running 13.1 miles. I was nervous because I had hurt my foot the week before but I prayed hard for a little help and I was hoping you'd be there to help me out a little too. I guess it worked because I was able to finish without my foot hurting too bad. It was a perfect day for racing, cool and overcast, it even rained a little at the start but nothing too bad. I felt really good and liked that the course ran right past our house and ended on the jogging trail that I have spent all of these months training on. I was so proud of myself when I crossed mile 11 at the exact same spot where I remember being proud of myself for running 10 min. straight all those months ago! What a great feeling to know what I can accomplish when I put my mind to it. I finished in about 2 hours and 26 min. Which is not very fast (about 11:20 miles) but faster than I did my last 1/2 in and that one was before I had ever had babies!) So I am happy and proud and as soon as I can WALK again, I guess I'll have to make a new goal. It was great having Dad and Zach at the finish line cheering me on and great to have my other friends there who have been training and motivating me on our running blog. Unfortunately we forgot the battery for the camera so we don't have a lot of pictures.

Pre race (Jessica, Amy, Kacy, Mom)

Post Race (Mom, Kacy, Jessica, Mique, Amy)

The other exciting thing we did on Monday was take Zach to his first baseball game! It was really fun and Zach was a trooper through TWELVE scoreless innings. In fact, talk about disappointing, the only run was WALKED in! I never would have stayed at a game for that long but there were fireworks afterwards we really wanted to see. Unfortunately Zach was SO tired by then the fireworks freaked him out and he just screamed the whole time. Well, maybe next time. But he sure did look cute in his Angel's gear! I thought of him in that Angels' shirt and it made me think of you girls. I had my angel on earth and my angels in heaven. It was a good day.

Love,
Mom

New month, new skills

Very proud he made it across the living room

Wow, there's a whole big world out there!

Look, mom! I can eat your curtains!

Tired after a hard morning's work

Dear Kate and Riley,
I can't believe May is more than half way through. The time really goes way too fast. If I were teaching right now I think time would be stuck in slow motion as I counted down to the end of the school year. Instead time is rushing by me and I am shocked every day at how this little man is growing up so fast right before my eyes.

Last week Zach turned 7 months and I thought just today how I doubted 7 months would be any different than 6. Then this morning as I was eating my breakfast and Zach was sitting and playing with his toys he fell onto his back (nothing new). But this time instead of screaming for me to come get him he rolled over and kept playing (good!). Then he saw something he wanted across the room so he continued to roll and then got himself up on his hands and almost knees and I wondered exactly what he was planning to do next. He couldn't quite get a forward momentum though he tried really hard. He did, however realize he could go backwards (something new!) and he can spin himself so he managed to get to what he wanted. He seemed to discover a whole new world this morning and it was so much fun to watch. I love watching him do something new because I can tell he is always very proud of himself! He scooted and rolled around the living room for almost an hour before getting so tired he just laid his head down right there on the carpet.

I can only imagine that forward scooting and then crawling are coming up soon. I was really hoping to get at least part of my summer on the beach without having to chase him, but it doesn't look like that will happen! I guess I better get to baby proofing.

Keep an eye on this little man!

Love,
Mom

Mother's Day Getaway

Dear Kate and Riley,
Yesterday was Mother's Day. I got the chance to go on a weekend getaway with Liz and Michelle to Vegas! It was so much fun and even though it might seem weird for us to ditch our kids in celebration of Mother's Day, it was a really great gift to get away for a weekend and enjoy time with my two favorite girlfriends.

It was a VERY different trip from our last trip to Vegas over 10 years ago as college freshmen. This year we did a lot more sleeping, a little less acting crazy and a lot more pumping (since Liz and I are still nursing). Poor Michelle had to wait while we pumped about every 4 hours. I never thought I would pump in the parking lot of not one but two casinos, and a number of other random places. But it was worth it for the sleeping in, pool time and girl time we got to have. I got an AMAZING massage, got to see my first post baby movie (Baby Mama) and we got to go see Mama Mia (it was a "mama" themed weekend I guess!).

The best part of the trip, I decided, was that for the first time ever after a weekend away, I was as excited to return home as I was to leave. Instead of waking up Sunday morning dreading going home, I woke up SO excited to go home and see Zachary and Dad. I couldn't drive fast enough. Getting home topped off my perfect Mother's Day as I got to spend the afternoon with Zach and Dad, visit the cemetery so I could think of all of my babies on Mother's day and then Dad made me a yummy dinner (which I managed to spill all over the carpet). Dad was great for taking care of Zach all weekend, he never complained, in fact I'm afraid that now he thinks my job is easy! (we don't have to tell him that taking care of baby is only about 1/2 of my job).

I got to do a lot of thinking on my 4 1/2 hour drive alone. When I wasn't singing at the top of my lungs to Carrie Underwood or Taylor Swift, I thought a lot about the past year. The way I have changed, how losing you has made me a better mom to Zachary because I appreciate him and every single second I get to have with him and how although I thought after I lost you that I would never in my life feel true happiness I can honestly say at this point that I do. I wondered after I lost you if I'd ever be able to sit back, look at my family and not feel pain, pain in knowing that my whole family was not together. Yet somehow that is not the case. What I feel about you now is some sadness still, yes, but mostly peace. Peace and reassurance that I will be with you again, that I will someday get to hold you and know you and love you with all the love that a mother has to give. I don't think its FAIR that you aren't here, and I certainly will never ever say it was for the "best" as some people will tell me but I also can't deny the blessings that have come into our lives. Blessings that have made me really and truly happy and satisfied. To not enjoy every second I have with my family here on earth would certainly be a disservice to your memory and not what you would have wanted at all. So on Sunday as I drove I thought about my life, how happy I have become and the blessing of being a mom three times over, to beautiful precious angel babies and to a beautiful precious baby here on earth. My heart swells as I think about Zachary and the love that I have for him and I couldn't help but think as I anxiously drove home, that someday I would feel that same way again when I get to return "home" to my baby girls. How anxious and excited will I be then.
Thank you for making me a mom.
Love,
Mom

Beach Pics

Sand on the face (after mom wiped it)

Scary water Dad!

Hair spiked with sunscreen

Cousins in the bath after the beach--Summer, Ali, Zach

Dear Kate and Riley,
Here are more pictures from Jenny's wedding weekend. Dad put Zach's feet in the water at the beach, he wasn't quite sure what to think. Zach also ate a big hand full of sand for the first (but I'm sure not the last) time.

Love,
Mom

Aunt Jenny's wedding

Dear Kate and Riley,
This weekend Aunt Jenny and Uncle Christian got married! It was a fun and exciting week! Grandma Janice and Grandpa Ross rented a house in Carlsbad so we all got to go stay at the beach for a long weekend. It turned out to be a PERFECT weekend and we got to spend lots of time at the beach. Zach LOVED being the center of attention with his grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins all to play with.
Jenny's wedding was perfect, I had a coughing attack during the actual wedding so I feel like that's all I will remember (sorry Jenny!) but it didn't last the whole time and it was a really beautiful ceremony preformed by Chris's grandpa. I felt your presence as he talked about those that had gone before Jenny and Chris. I knew you were there with us watching and cheering on Jenny and Chris for making such a good decision to get married in the temple.
The reception was beautiful, overlooking the ocean and everyone had a good time. On Friday Zach got to go in the ocean for the first time, just his feet. He couldn't seem to decide if he liked it or not. He seemed to enjoy the 'hot' (warm) tub at the condo better. I don't blame him, I wouldn't go in that water either!
I took so many pictures so I might have to make more than one post. Here are a few from the reception...





Love, Mom

6 months!

Dear Kate and Riley,
Today is your brother's half birthday! Where did the time go? I feel like I just brought him home from the hospital yesterday and yet somehow half a year has passed. It makes me so happy to see him grow and so sad that it is going by so so fast. He is such a big and happy boy. He learned how to sit up this week and is SO proud of himself, I love the picture of him eating the butterflies because that is exactly what I see most of the day, Zach sitting up with something, anything, shoved in his mouth but he's usually smiling underneath whatever that is. He also started eating cereal and LOVES it! He tries to grab the spoon from me and always wants more than I am giving him at the time.

There is a country song out right now that pretty much sums up how I feel because even after we have a rough day or a rough night, I just know how much I need to cherish every moment with him since it goes by so fast. The chorus says, "You're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back... you're gonna wish this hadn't gone by so fast. These are some good times, so take a good look around. You may not know it now, but you're gonna miss this." Last night dad and I were talking about aunt Jenny getting married and I said I was kind of jealous because I know we'll never get to go back to that time when you just have so few worries and its just the two of you and you are just so silly in love. I love your dad now more than ever, but it is definitely different. But now I'm rambling.

I miss you girls. Give your brother hugs while he naps today and tell him happy half birthday!

Love,

Mom

Scottsdale

Dear Kate and Riley,
Two weeks ago Zach and I got to go with Dad to Scottsdale where he had a conference for work. We decided to tag along because it was at a fancy hotel and we knew we should get some nice weather in Arizona. We were right! The hotel was nice, Zach slept in the walk in closet which was almost as big as his room at home! I enjoyed reading my book on the balcony and taking baths in the gigantic bathtub. We got to take Zach in the pool for the first time and he LOVED it! He even did a good job on the 6 hour car ride to and from. On the way out we got to stop in Yuma and see Great Grandma and Grandpa Hansen. It was a really fun trip even though we didn't get to see much of Dad.

Dad and Z in the pool his first time

Me and Z in the pool

Stopping for dinner in Palm Springs on the way home

If you look closely, you can see those two little teeth!

Love,
Mom

Happy Easter!

Dear Kate and Riley,
Happy Easter. I am sure that Easter is a very important holiday in heaven as you remember when Jesus was resurrected and made it possible for us to all live again. I think that Easter has become the most significant holiday to me since losing you because now I feel like I am celebrating the chance I know I'll have to be with you again some day. It is a happy happy day for me. I love hearing about how Jesus lives and how we will all be resurrected one day.

We had a low key Easter here. We got a little basket for you to bring to the cemetery and a little basket for Zach with some toys. Zach got a cute little Easter outfit and I saw a little girl in church today with a dress that would have matched his little outfit and I was sad you weren't here to dress you in cute matching dresses. You would have been so cute in them I'm sure. We went to the cemetery before church and brought your basket with an Easter lily inside. I liked the lily we got because it had three open blooms and I thought it was perfect, one for each of you and one for your brother. Zach tore off a few of the petals before we got there and I thought that was appropriate since if you were here, I'm sure he'd be getting into your stuff and making you mad all the time. That's how little brothers are, after all.

I hope that you rejoiced and sang today. Our choir sang a medley of "I Stand All Amazed" and "I know that My Redeemer Lives" and it was perfect for Easter.
Some of my favorite words---

I know that my Redeemer lives!
What comfort this sweet sentence gives!
He lives, he lives, who once was dead;
He lives, my ever living head!

He lives to silence all my fears;
He lives to wipe away my tears;
He lives to calm my troubled heart;
He lives all blessings to impart.

He lives and grants me daily breath;
He lives, and I shall conquer death;
He lives my mansion to prepare;
He lives to bring me safely there.

Girls, I am so grateful for the day we had to celebrate the beautiful gift of the resurrection. I am so thankful for the gospel in our lives and the fact that I know I will see you again some day. I know He lives! I want you to know how strong my testimony is of that.
I hope you had a wonderful Easter.

Love,
Mom

FIVE months!

Dear Kate and Riley,

Yesterday Zachary turned five months old! I cannot believe how fast the time has passed. It seems like yesteray that he was born! He is such a good happy baby, he is so cute and fun and this age is just the best so far. He got his second tooth this week and is already sleeping much better. We hope to get some relief for a few months!

Zach loves the beach, we got to go four times last week. Daddy thinks we're spoiled but how could we resist? He still isn't rolling over but I think he's getting really close to sitting up. He loves to talk and squeel all day long. He loves playing with his toes. He is just so fun and cuddly and growing up way too fast!

We miss you and think of you often and as Easter approaches the wonderful blessing that we know we will be with you again some day is on our minds.

Love,

Mom

Your Due Date

Dear Kate and Riley,
A year ago today was your due date. I guess I never placed too much significance on this day since I knew that you would most likely come before it. But in case I forgot (which I did) our good friends at Huggies made sure to send me a big advertisement in the mail today that said "Your baby is one!" I used to cry when we got those huggies things in the mail and get so mad about them. It was strange to think you could be a year old or a little over a year old right now if you had gone to term. I got a little sad today and I felt bad that I didn't remember. I guess there are other dates I associate much more with you now than March 5th.
I hope you are looking down on us and smiling. I am feeling peace about you and finding so much joy in your brother. He looks so much like daddy. I wonder if you would have looked more like me.
I love you my angels.
Love,
Mom

Video Debut

Dear Kate and Riley,
For Christmas Grandma Janice gave us a video camera. I was so excited but I am a little slow when it comes to technology (notice no fancy blog background) so it took me a few months to figure out how to use the camera and upload videos. Sunday we tried it out for the first time. We got some good laughs out of Zach so it was fun.



Love,
Mom

First Tooth!

Dear Kate and Riley,
I haven't written lately because life has been hectic. Out of nowhere my happy baby started to get really grumpy all the time! He wasn't sleeping well any more and he just seemed sad! I blamed it on his shots at first but then this week I was trying to get something off of his tongue (since he's been sucking on EVERYTHING lately) and when I did I felt something sharp! It was a tooth! All the sudden everything fell into place. I understood why he had been so sad. I thought we were through the worst of it because it had broken through the skin... but I was wrong. The second one seems to be right behind it. Poor kid cried almost ALL night last night. I hate when I can't comfort him, nothing I did would make him stop crying. He must be feeling a little better today because he took a 3 hour nap this afternoon and is in the middle of another big one right now, his naptime has actually passed up his bed time!

Besides teething Zach is doing great. He is mostly happy and fun all the time. At his 4 month appointment he was in the 50th percentile for weight and the 90th percentile for height! He must have gotten some genes from uncle Austin or uncle Bret because dad and I certainly aren't tall at all! Dad is hoping for a basketball player.
Zach still can roll from tummy to back but not back to tummy, we're working on it. He loves so sit in his bumbo chair and help me clean the kitchen or make dinner, it is my favorite thing. He's getting so big and it is just crazy how fast it goes because I feel like he was born yesterday!

Other news lately, dad is working hard during tax season... two jobs. It is hard for everyone but we are grateful that dad works so hard so I can stay home with Zach. Its only until April 15th so I think we'll make it.

I have been running a lot still, I can run more than 7 miles now and I'm pretty proud of myself since I couldn't even run for 10 min straight when we first started all of this. Our half marathon is in May and I really want to work on getting faster.

That's about it for the last month or so. I'm realizing I need to be better about taking pictures!

Love,
Mom

A Day at the Beach

Dear Kate and Riley,
This February we've been blessed with BEAUTIFUL weather! It certainly makes up for spending last weekend in Utah. We got to go to the beach Friday and Saturday. I can't wait until Zach is old enough to stay awake for more than just a few minutes. Here are some pictures from our beach day.
Love,
Mom

Aunt Jenny is getting Married!!

Dear Kate and Riley,
Its official! Aunt Jenny is getting married in April. We are excited to welcome Christian as a new member of our family. Last week, Zach and I flew out to Utah to help Aunt Jenny find a wedding dress. It was SO cold in Utah, it snowed almost every day we were there. It made me really grateful for the California sun.

We spent two days with Liz and Henry and then went and stayed with Uncle Andrew and Aunt Stacy. Zach had so much fun playing with his cousins, he loved it when they made faces at him and they were such good helpers! It is sometimes hard for me to see Camryn who was born just a few weeks before your due date, you guys would probably be the EXACT same age if you had gone to full term. She is so cute and fun and seeing how much Zach looks like Skylar I wonder a lot if Camryn even looks like how you would have looked. It was really hard for me to be around her at first but now its sort of a window into what could have been and its not as hard as it used to be.

We found Aunt Jenny's wedding dress at the first store! It was actually the first dress she even tried on but she tried on lots of others just to be sure. I can't believe my BABY sister is getting married but it will be fun to be more in the same place in life.

On Sunday everyone from dad's family came to Aunt Stacy's and we had a little super bowl party. It is fun to see everyone with Zach and have everyone say what an O'Farrell he is. He is definitely his father's son!

Here are some pictures of our trip....

love,
Mom

A sneak peak of Aunt Jenny's dress (couldn't
show the whole thing!)

Grandpa Frank and Zach (do they look alike?)

Zach and Henry, not interested in the camera